How "The Undo List by Alu Aluzan-Aran" Changed Me

I was rigid and perfectionist before I read the article "The Undo List by Alu Aluzan-Aran" (pp.84-85) on Working Mom Magazine November 2013 issue. My friends would tease me and say that I was the ultimate OC (Obsessive Compulsive) of all. The article turned me around. It changed the way I looked into my routines as a mom who pushes myself to the limits because I want everything get covered by the dot. If the routines changed and the schedule wasn't followed, I would end up grumpy the whole day.

I also remembered the time when I was still teaching. I would carry with me a small notebook where my so called "Things to Do" list  was written. My co-teacher, Mrs. Tin-Tin Alcala would tell me, "O, ano? Magagawa mo ba lahat ng nakasulat diyan?" ("Hey, what? Can you do all the things written there?") I would just shrug my shoulders and laugh about it. At the end of the day, I would miss three to four activities. I was too hard on myself then. I would feel bad if something was missed. Then I would include those missed activities on my next day routines. The same pattern would happen over and over until I got burned out.

I didn't learn from that experience. I still did the same thing when my first child was born. I would still sit down and write all the things that I had to do for the day. Hubby would tell me, "Ma, you have to be flexible. You are not a machine. You have to admit that you get tired and you need to rest. Don't be too hard on yourself. You're a great mom! Remember that."

As years passed, I learned to be a little flexible. But the eagerness of becoming a SUPER MOM continued.

After reading the article, I realized these:

1 There's nothing wrong if I pause for a while and give time for myself.

 "Thirty minutes can change your day."

 

Honestly, I would feel guilty when I stop doing my motherly duties. I would feel like stealing time from my family.

Yes, it's true. We, moms, should have a daily me-time or appointment with ourselves that could be anytime between 30 minutes to two hours. It's time to maybe take a nap, do some crafting, read a chapter or two of our favorite novel, exercise, take a leisurely bath, meditate, or do something that we really like. 

2 I should lessen my expectations and do what is best at the moment.

 "There are seasons which will impact over time and can be confusing." 

Like me, I have less me-time due to the demands of my very young children. It's not possible at the moment for me to review, take the Nursing Licensure Exams, and start a nursing career. 

I learned to accept it and believed that it would pass and I would have my time someday.

3 I must know my priorities.

Following a "To Do List" drove me crazy in the past. It controlled me. It made me unable to focus on what was more important. I was physically at home taking care of everything but I was mentally absent, worrying about the future. I was hurrying  to have a career outside our home, to grow professionally, not considering the fact that my kids still needed me. I wasn't contented of having a small business while taking care of my family.

When my kids got sick, I appreciated my being WAHM. They should be my topmost priority.

4  It's okay to slow down. 

I love multitasking. It could make me finish all my daily tasks. But is this necessary all the time?

"It is important to be firm and single-minded when it comes to taking care of our personal needs, and using the time to do only the chores and tasks that matter to us and our family. Everything else is secondary."

HAPPY & CALM MOM = HAPPY & CALM FAMILY

Now I am more relaxed, contented, and happy with my spontaneous life as a mom. I don't care if I'm not able to finish everything in a day. After all, there's another day to look forward to. I just take a deep breath, smile, and say, "I know what matters most. Everything's gonna be okay." 

  

     

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A Letter for My Dad

When I read articles, see posts on Facebook, hear greetings on the radio of people talking about nice things about their father, it makes me pause for a while and think, "Why do I feel empty?".

I know it's not normal. But that is how I feel. Really...

Nevertheless, I have my own perception of a good dad.  

A GOOD DAD...

is a good provider and doesn't count and record every centavo that he gives to his family.

says words of encouragement and would never mock or belittle his children.

is selfless and prioritizes his family above anyone else.

preserves the honor of the family and will not do something that will destroy its reputation.

is a priest of the home that brings his family closer to God.

treats his wife with so much love and respect.

takes good care of his children and doesn't do anything to hurt or harm them through words and actions.

This is my perception of a good father. It may be unfair for my dad to say this but why do I find it vague? 

I thank the Lord everyday for giving my kids a good dad. 

I thank the Lord for letting them experience the things that I didn't.

I thank the Lord for giving me the reason to celebrate Father's Day for 10 years.

I thank the Lord I made the right choice.

Courtesy:www.disneybaby.com

  

To my Dad, if you have the chance to read this, I am not mad at you. I love you that's why I'm hurting so much. Maybe I am just sad because you didn't try harder to understand and accept yourself. You would always blame us for all the misfortunes that would come your way.

You drove us away unconsciously.

Dad, forgive me if I'm not yet ready to see and forgive you. I'm sorry if I decided to shield my children from you.  I am so afraid...very afraid... I am scared of you. I am scared that you'll hurt us again emotionally. I don't want my kids to experience the trauma that I still have when I hear the word DADDY, when I hear the telephone ring, when I see a drunk person walking towards me on the street or when a drunk person sits beside me in public. I would literally shake like a helpless child. You have no idea how difficult it is for me to go outside. I feel sick when I am on a crowd because I am afraid to see you again. I don't want to be in the same situation that I had for 22 years. But I am doing my best to overcome my fear...my fear seeing you. Just give me time.

Being far away from you doesn't mean that I don't care. You may not know this but I still think of you everyday. I still care, Dad.

If it's a sin to be away from you, I am willing to suffer the consequence. I believe that the decision I made five years ago was the best option for all of us.

I still look forward to the day that when we see each other, all wounds are already healed. Let us give each other more time to recover. I LOVE YOU, DAD.  All of us know the truth. All I am wishing for is for you to accept the fact that you hurt me, my brother, most especially mom. We were victims of your false beliefs, hang-ups, unprocessed childhood experiences, and displacement of anger. Maybe you were not aware because you were a victim too. That gives me consolation.

Dad, please don't live in the past. The only way that you can move on is to accept your shortcomings.

DAD, THANK YOU. Without you, I wouldn't be here. All that I am right now is because of you and mom. Despite the hardships and pain, I still manage to keep moving forward and do my best to become a good person. The mistakes of the past taught me to make the right choices. I am strong because of you. That I am thankful. 

Happy Father's Day and I'm sorry, Dad. Somehow I know that you still think of me. Don't worry, I'm okay. I am blessed with a man who takes good care of me and our kids. He is the reason why it is easier for me to still long for you despite of what happened. Take care of yourself. I am looking forward to see you, hopefully soon, before it's too late.

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Teachable Moment: Humility

I can't move on until now. I'm still affected of my experience last Tuesday.

To keep myself updated about Ate Esperanza's condition, I call National Kidney and Transplant Institute on a daily basis. 

 

I mentioned on my comment on A Mom's Call for Financial Aid to Extend the Life of Her Ailing Daughter that on Wednesday at 8:00 AM, Sir Ethan of NKTI informed me that the patient was still under their care and they were waiting for the doctor's order. He was not aware if Ate Esperanza would be transferred to East Avenue Medical Center or not. The patient would like to refuse their medical assistance. She chose to have her dialysis on Friday and stay at home thereafter.

Yesterday afternoon, I tried calling the Emergency Room twice but nobody was answering my call. I called again at 11:00 PM to check if the patient was still admitted.

I was sick worried about the family. They didn't have money to cover the hospital expenses. 

I waited patiently on the line. I felt relieved when a lady picked up the phone. Here was our conversation.

I: "Hello, good evening po! I am SJ Valdez. I would like to ask if a patient named Ma. Esperanza Galindez is still under your care."

Lady: "Ay, sandali lang po at tatanungin ko."

I heard that she asked her companions.

Lady: "Wala na siya rito, discharged na."

I: "Ah ganun po ba? Would you know, Miss, if she was transferred to another hospital? Did she go home? I'm sorry, Miss, I know that you can't disclose the patient's details or diagnosis on the phone. I would like to know kasi wala po talaga silang pera. I am not a relative of the patient. My mom and I were just there to meet them last Tuesday when she was sent there. Pasensya na po for calling up very late."

Lady: "Hindi ko kasi alam dahil kate-take over ko lang. Basta nakalagay dito sa computer, discharged na siya."

I: "I was able to talk to Sir Ethan, Miss. Naaawa kasi ako sa patient dahil wala talaga silang kapera-pera..."
 

Before I finished talking, she cut the conversation.

Lady: "Doktor ako, doktor ako, sige..."

Then she hang up. I was shocked. I was so polite to her. Maybe she was pissed off because I didn't call her DOCTOR or DOKTORA. I felt sad and a little disappointed. Would it make her less of a person if she wasn't called by her title? I treated her with respect. She should have told me that she was a doctor when she answered my call so that I could address her according to her preference. How would I know that she was a doctor? I was not there in the first place.

I can't imagine how she treats other people especially if they are indigent or uneducated. I feel sorry for her. Why is it that some people give so much regard on titles? I called her Miss. I talked to her the way I should talk to anyone regardless of age or status in life. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to ask her name.

All the NKTI nurses, social workers, and doctors that I met last Tuesday were all humble, kind, and compassionate. I hope that lady doctor would not destroy the good reputation of the institution. 

When Ross woke up this morning, I thought of sharing my experience to him. I invited him to sit down and listen to my story. He said that he was also shocked and disappointed. 

I: "Anak, hindi ba, Papa and I told you that you should talk to other people with respect regardless of who they are? Rich or poor, educated or uneducated, young or old alike, you should not be arrogant. Prophet Muhammad said, 'The best of people is the one who humbles himself; the more his rank increases.' Calling a janitor 'Sir' or a waitress, 'Ma'am' is the proper way to address the person. Will it make you less of a person if you do that?"

Ross: "No, Mama. I hear you and Papa call the taxi drivers and janitors 'Sir'.

I: "There's nothing wrong if you call a doctor or even the president of the Philippines 'Sir' or 'Ma'am' because still it's a form of courtesy. Don't be like the doctor that I spoke with last night, huh? If you become rich or famous someday, be humble. Live the same lifestyle that you used to. Don't be concerned with titles. All of us are equal in God's eyes despite the fact that the society or other people sometimes consider that titles and achievements measure the value of a person. It's improper. Let's face it, Anak. This is reality. But don't be like them. You have to know how to mingle with people from all walks of life. Don't belittle other people. It's not acceptable!"

Ross: "Yes, Mama. I'll remember that."

I believe that someday, my son will remember all the things that I say.

 

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Happy Mother's Day!

A mother's life is full of priceless moments. Goldilocks wanted to explore what it's like to raise a child, from baby to boy all the way through independent young man by capturing them through video. 

The choice to shoot entirely in the first person perspective is to put the viewers in the eyes of a mother so they can better appreciate that they're always there for us. 

This is what it feels like to be a mom. A mom who is always there, through thick and thin through the years.

"One lamp, thy mother’s love, amidst the stars shall lift its pure flame changeless, and before the throne of God, burn through eternity, Holy, as it was lit and lent thee here."
                                                                -Nathaniel Parker Willis

Happy Mother's Day to all beautiful moms in the world!

 Acknowledgement: https://www.facebook.com/GreenMangoPhilippines

 

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Prayers for St. Benedict and St. Michael the Archangel Protect Us from Evil

Hello, dear friends! Maybe you're wondering why I wasn't able to post a prayer for two consecutive Sundays. 

As I mentioned three weeks ago, my eldest son, Ross, was confined in the hospital, had ER admissions, and check-ups ten times or more for four months. His pediatrician was also puzzled why he kept on getting sick after all his laboratory examinations were cleared. The pattern of his sickness was the same---he would be discharged in the hospital on Wednesday, have his home care until Sunday, go back to school on Monday, get sick on Monday night, and be admitted again in the hospital on Tuesday.

Ross experienced lots of hardships and  weight loss due to his sickness. My husband, mom, and I took turns in taking care of him. 

When a family member is in the hospital, all resources are drenched---emotional, spiritual, physical, and most especially financial.

When all hope was lost, maybe out of desperation, we consulted a psychic/faith healer last, last Sunday. 

You may not agree with me but I believe that there are things and phenomena in this world that can't be explained by science nor religion.

It's ironic. I am into religious accessories business. My faith in God is utmost and unshaken. But I know that God sends us people who can help sometimes in peculiar ways.

The faith healer told us that someone inflicted that condition to my son. We talked about the details and events I recalled before my son got sick. She instructed us to make a concoction/herbal tea and pray over it before drinking. My son should drink that concoction for more than one week. Why? Because he ate something that was cursed by the perpetrator. We were shocked and speechless. We were peace loving people! We had no enemies. She also encouraged us to pray always. We followed it. Sabi ko wala namang mawawala. Gagawin ko ang lahat gumaling lang ang anak ko.

On Monday afternoon, my husband went to Quiapo, Manila to look for the leaves for the concoction. It's difficult to find stuff like those here in Metro Manila. My mom also asked hubby to go to the crafting store to buy some materials for her rosaries. Then he saw a red St. Benedict's cross inside the store. While he was staring at the cross, a man approached hubby and said, "That cross is nice. It's St. Benedict's cross. Do you know that it is used by exorcists to cast away evil spirits? Purchase it, have it blessed by the priest, and put it on your altar. It will protect your family. Choose the red one." My hubby asked, "Perhaps by chance, are you a priest?". The man said, "Yes, I am! If only I have Holy Water with me, I can bless that cross for you." My husband thanked the priest and bought the cross immediately together with St. Benedict's medals for the whole family.

Courtesy: rosarymarket.com

Courtesy: mississippi-spi.blogspot.com ( To know more about St. Benedict's Cross and Medal, you may go here http://mississippi-spi.blogspot.com/2010_12_01_archive.html.)

The following day, hubby rode a cab to go to work. When he saw the taxi driver, he was startled because the driver looked like late great grandpa. The conversation went like this:

Driver: "Sir, bakit po? Mukhang nakakita kayo ng multo." 

Hubby: "Kamukha ninyo po kasi ang lolo ko. Saan po ba ang probinsya ninyo? Sa Isabela po ba?"

Driver: "Sa Quezon po." 

Hubby: "Naniniwala po ba kayo sa kulam?"

Driver: "Ah, bulong 'yun! 'Yun ang tawag sa amin sa Quezon. Bakit po, sir, may sakit po ang panganay ninyo?" 

Hubby: "Po, meron nga po." (He was surprised.)

Driver: "Ibigay ninyo nga po sa akin ang pangalan at kung sino po ang pinagsususpetsahan ninyo."

Hubby: "Bakit po? Manggagamot po ba kayo?"

Driver: "Opo, sir, buong pamilya po kaming manggagamot."

Hubby: "Talaga, sir? Naisasalin po ba ang panggagamot?"

Driver: "Ang panggagamot po kasi naisasalin. Pero dapat po ay siguradong sa taong may mabuting kalooban ito maisasalin. Kung sa masamang tao po ito mapupunta, gagamitin po niya ito sa kasamaan gaya ng ginawa ng taong nanakit sa anak ninyo." 

Hubby wrote my son's name and the person told by the faith healer who inflicted the sickness to my son.

The driver paused for a moment and said: "Hindi na po kayo gagambalain ng taong 'yan! Heto nga po pala ang number ko, tawagan ninyo po ako kapag may nangyari pa po sa anak ninyo."  

He handed a piece of paper to my husband. The driver is a retired army, Major Alvarez.

God blessed us in those three consecutive days. I felt more relieved.
     

I fervently hoped and believed that my son would be healed with the help of his health care providers and faith healers that we met. They became God's instruments. 


Ross went to his pediatrician this afternoon and through God's grace he was fine. We told the doctor about our decision to consult a faith healer. She said jokingly that it's okay as long as my son would not be cut open. She agreed that sometimes things unexplained by science could happen.

This experience taught me seven things:

1. Food, which is God's grace that nourishes the body, can be used by other people to hurt someone.

2. Be vigilant. Know whom to trust.

3. Be careful with what you post and whom to tag on your social media accounts. It may sound funny but you'll never know how others take your posts. Others may be happy with your triumphs but others don't. 

4. Pray as a family always. 

5. Practice your faith.

6. Spend quality time with your loved ones because life is very uncertain.

7. Learn to forgive.

In line with this, I would also like to share the prayers for St. Benedict and St. Michael the Archangel. We now include them in our daily prayers to protect us from evil.

Courtesy: www.czestochowa.us

Courtesy: stroccoglencove.com (Why do we need to pray for protection from evil through St. Michael the Archangel? Click this link to know more: http://www.ourcatholicprayers.com/the-saint-michael-prayer.html.)

   

God's love never fails nor falters. I hope that my son will be completely healed in the name of Jesus. Amen.

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My Dream

When I was a kid, all I dreamed of was someday I would have a happy married life. I wanted my children to feel blessed and loved. I wanted my whole family to be contented---to have enough and be thankful if blessed more. We would stay together, help one another grow, and live life to the fullest.

I belong to a broken family. I know how it is to lurk in pain and see my parents drift apart. I don't want my children to experience the same situation---to mature hastily just to cope up with problems. I want them to have a normal, happy childhood. 

I prayed to God, through the intercession of Saint Therese of the Child Jesus, to give me a man who would be a good husband and father to my children. After years of waiting, my prayer was finally answered. 

I am married for nine years and all I can say is that I AM LOVING MY LIFE AS A WIFE AND MOM. I have a husband who respects and loves me and our children unconditionally and brings out the best in us. As a dad, he is firm but gentle, asserts that he is the man of the house but does it kindly and lovingly. As a husband, he is strong when I am weak, supports me in all the things that I do, and never fails to compliment me when I reach my goals and aspirations.

My dream is already fulfilled. Now it is my dream that all women in the world who have the same dream may find a perfect man who would be accorded the same respect and love that we share in our family. Women and children have the right to be happy and should not be abused nor taken for granted.

 A message from World Vision

Why Dreams

Dreams are the foundation of all hope. Dreams grow in us, fill our hearts, give us courage, and lead us into the future. Dreams make us believe in the possibilities of tomorrow.

When we share our dreams, we reawaken old dreams and realise new ones. When we share each other's dreams we help one another make our dreams come true -- sharing ambitions and fueling hope together.

#Dreamshare was created to share our dreams with you, and you sharing your dreams with us. It's about supporting the dreams of children around the world so they can come true.

 

Dreams

For my future

Dreams for "when I grow up" and when I grow old.
See a dream like this

For my community

Dreams for my village, my neighbourhood, my city, and my country
See a dream like this

For my family

Dreams for the people I care about most
See a dream like this

For my world

Dreams of what I see and desire for our world today, and our world tomorrow
See a dream like this

  Sharing your dream

Join the #Dreamshare blogger link-up! 
Click this LINK to know the details.

Share your dream on #Dreamshare Dreamwall
Click this LINK to know the details.

Dreams on Facebook
Post your dream video, photos, and story on Facebook with hashtag #dreamshare and encourage your friends and family to do so, too.

Dreams on Instagram

Share "dream" photos on Instagram with hashtag #dreamshare and bring out the iphone-ography of your followers.

Dreams on Twitter

Tweet your dreams with hashtag #dreamshare and inspire your tweeps to do the same.


You may watch the following videos about #Dreamshare

Sharing dreams | World Vision #Dreamshare 

World Vision Youth #Dreamshare: My dream is... (Promo Video)

 

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We Can Learn from Other People's Mistakes

I noticed that since Janine Tugonon, Miss Universe 2012 1st Runner-Up, broadcasted her break-up with his boyfriend Jaypee Santos on national TV, names used as  adjectives became a trend here in the Philippines. "Na-Janine Tugonon ako!" would mean that your partner was so proud to announce about your break up because he/she fell out of love and found another lover.

Courtesy: au.ibtimes.com

"Na-Jed Salang ako!" (Jed Salang was the estranged husband of Philippine Comedy Concert Queen, Ai-Ai delas Alas, who allegedly found by the latter his real intentions of marrying her) would mean that your partner inflicted physical harm on you and left you because he/she couldn't get something from you. 

Courtesy: www.tempo.com.ph

When you flaunt your shopping spree, expensive possessions like signatured bags, clothes, shoes, etc., only to find out that you purchased all of them using other people's hard earned money, you are being called "Napolic" (from the name Janet and Jeanne Napoles, the controversially involved personalities in Philippine Pork Barrel Scam).

Courtesy: www.pinoyexchange.com

It is normal for us to talk about these personalities and have our own sentiments or comments. While doing so, (let's admit that they made the country stop) I think it's time for us to reflect on what these persons teach us--- simple lessons in life that we often miss.

1 We have to think first before we act. In all the things that we do, there are CONSEQUENCES. Everything that is happening to us is connected to the GOLDEN RULE by Confucius, "One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself."

2 We are responsible in all our actions. God gave us FREE WILL but we have to choose in doing what's right in the eyes of God and men. For others, it is hard to do what's morally right, but it's worth it! I believe that we would lose everything that we acquired including the trust of our loved-ones when we're getting something through wrong means. It is also best to talk less to commit less mistakes. Words and actions come hand in hand.

3 We have to accept our faults and do our best to change for the better. Nobody's perfect! If we are eager to improve our ways, it starts from within! If we are true with our intentions, others would notice. We don't have to explain.

We are humans and sometimes we like to spend time meddling with other people's businesses. Somehow there are moments in our lives that we tend to become like them. Face the fact that we have weaknesses too. We also commit mistakes. Why don't we try delving into our own lives first? Let us see their issues in all angles, in such a way that we could learn something.

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