A Letter for My Dad

When I read articles, see posts on Facebook, hear greetings on the radio of people talking about nice things about their father, it makes me pause for a while and think, "Why do I feel empty?".

I know it's not normal. But that is how I feel. Really...

Nevertheless, I have my own perception of a good dad.  

A GOOD DAD...

is a good provider and doesn't count and record every centavo that he gives to his family.

says words of encouragement and would never mock or belittle his children.

is selfless and prioritizes his family above anyone else.

preserves the honor of the family and will not do something that will destroy its reputation.

is a priest of the home that brings his family closer to God.

treats his wife with so much love and respect.

takes good care of his children and doesn't do anything to hurt or harm them through words and actions.

This is my perception of a good father. It may be unfair for my dad to say this but why do I find it vague? 

I thank the Lord everyday for giving my kids a good dad. 

I thank the Lord for letting them experience the things that I didn't.

I thank the Lord for giving me the reason to celebrate Father's Day for 10 years.

I thank the Lord I made the right choice.

Courtesy:www.disneybaby.com

  

To my Dad, if you have the chance to read this, I am not mad at you. I love you that's why I'm hurting so much. Maybe I am just sad because you didn't try harder to understand and accept yourself. You would always blame us for all the misfortunes that would come your way.

You drove us away unconsciously.

Dad, forgive me if I'm not yet ready to see and forgive you. I'm sorry if I decided to shield my children from you.  I am so afraid...very afraid... I am scared of you. I am scared that you'll hurt us again emotionally. I don't want my kids to experience the trauma that I still have when I hear the word DADDY, when I hear the telephone ring, when I see a drunk person walking towards me on the street or when a drunk person sits beside me in public. I would literally shake like a helpless child. You have no idea how difficult it is for me to go outside. I feel sick when I am on a crowd because I am afraid to see you again. I don't want to be in the same situation that I had for 22 years. But I am doing my best to overcome my fear...my fear seeing you. Just give me time.

Being far away from you doesn't mean that I don't care. You may not know this but I still think of you everyday. I still care, Dad.

If it's a sin to be away from you, I am willing to suffer the consequence. I believe that the decision I made five years ago was the best option for all of us.

I still look forward to the day that when we see each other, all wounds are already healed. Let us give each other more time to recover. I LOVE YOU, DAD.  All of us know the truth. All I am wishing for is for you to accept the fact that you hurt me, my brother, most especially mom. We were victims of your false beliefs, hang-ups, unprocessed childhood experiences, and displacement of anger. Maybe you were not aware because you were a victim too. That gives me consolation.

Dad, please don't live in the past. The only way that you can move on is to accept your shortcomings.

DAD, THANK YOU. Without you, I wouldn't be here. All that I am right now is because of you and mom. Despite the hardships and pain, I still manage to keep moving forward and do my best to become a good person. The mistakes of the past taught me to make the right choices. I am strong because of you. That I am thankful. 

Happy Father's Day and I'm sorry, Dad. Somehow I know that you still think of me. Don't worry, I'm okay. I am blessed with a man who takes good care of me and our kids. He is the reason why it is easier for me to still long for you despite of what happened. Take care of yourself. I am looking forward to see you, hopefully soon, before it's too late.